Domestic Voilation ..Please Suggest

[alivelu]

Hi everybody,

I have one tragic story to share. I am in very bad situation. Please give me suggestions.

Me and my husband had small argument. Here I need to tell you about my husband little bit. He is very honest, loving and helping person. If any of our friends/relatives need help, He is the first one to do. He will always be ready to help anyone. He used to help friends and relatives for their needs like study, personal problems. Even after marriage also he continued the same. Even i did the same before marriage. So I didn't discourage him for that. Slowly relatives stated making use of it and stated asking money even for their b'day party celebrations etc.

I realized that time and asked my husband to stop such things. He don't want to change so sudden and not able to tell his relatives. I took initiative and told them straight that ,we can not give any more because we have a kid and family to take care of. They came to know that i am not allowing him to help them. We were always having arguments about this issue, whenever someone is asking for money. This is only the problem between us. His relatives started calling him on his cell phone or office phone to hide from me. My husband is not saying anything to them. He is of that kind of person. I am not able to bare such hiding things from me. My husband also stopped letting me know about their calls. He is thinking that, I don't like them. I came to know about these hiding things , when they are calling on weekends. We used to have small arguments
every time.

On last Saturday he got a call from his relative over his cell phone. At the same time i got a call from my mom saying that, my grand mom passed away. I was upset with that. Same time my husband got this call. He don't want to tell me about that call and trying to hide it from me. I asked him , why don't you tell them straight away. we are having difficult to fulfill our baby needs. This way we had small argument. He got frustrated because i am telling him the same thing again and again. He lifted his hand and touched my face. As I was already upset with my grand mom death and i was in bad mood and called 911. I don't know their formalities here. My intention was just to warn him not to repeat that. I told the officer that my husband hurt me . I didn't even complete the phone call. Cops came to our house and arrested my husband. I begged them not to arrest him. My husband is very nice person. I just want them to give suggestion. They didn't listen to me. They took him to station.

I went to the station behind him with my kid. I requested Police officer not to file any case. He did not listen to me. My husband was charged with simple assault under section 2C:12- 1A 1. They filed this case and sent my husband back home with me. We were given summons for attending the court this Thursday 9th. I am in confusion now what is going to happen in the court. I heard that judge will not have patience to listen our story. I am worried that for simple argument having big punishment.

I don’t want to give any kind of punishment to my husband as he is very nice person. It’s my mistake to call 911. I realized after calling. I didn’t mean to do this way. But unfortunately all this happened in matter of half hour.


Please give me suggestions for

How to convince the judge about this. What is going to happen further. I totally have no clue about it. I feel very bad for doing this. Please help me if anyone can give information about this. How to talk in front of the judge. I am really in bad position seeking help from anybody, as we are totally not aware of this country policies. Please send me your suggestions. Or e-mail me to chegu_devi@yahoo.com

Is there anything that i can do before hand to avoid this situation. Expecting earliest reply.

Thanking you all.
One poor lady.

[abaner]

Dear Chegu,

My heart goes out to you guys after readign your story.

But first things first u need to contact the police station and tell them that you will and are not filling any charges, next get a good family lawyer and both of you met him/her (best is an indian female lawyer).

Worse case scenario- your husband pleads guilty and does probabtion (maybe a little jail time at aminimum security facility).

But , one thing this kind of shit happens again theya re going to take him away for a long time.

And one more thing Do Not discuss this with any one especially your husband shouldnt discuss with anyone, otherwise it would be tough for hime to get a job.

I can only offer this suggestion to your husband as myself being a newly married guy with a lot of family commiments and relatives & in-laws out here- He Needs To Be Able To Say 'No'. You cannot be a Nice guy Always. Pl. let me know how it goes.


And when infront of the judge tell him/her matter of fact what happened, dont try to hide or lie otherwise both of you will be in more trouble and that you were upset over the death of your grandmom and you made a mistake. Be strong and dont start wailing infront of them they hate it. And you husband should be willing to Aplogise to you infront of the judge.

I am confident your love and respect for each other will get you guys through these dark days and its' going to bring you guys closer.

And, you need to start looking for a job to pay those legal bills and to become more self-reliant.

If you guys need any help let me know.

Take care

All The Best

[guest]

My daughter -(2 years old) by mistake called 911( i am still not able to figure out how could she do that) and cops came to my home. i am engineer do contracting being on h1 keep moving from place to place and we don't have much furniture. this cop comes into my home and go through each & every room.i keep telling him it was by mistake but he doesn't litsen , then they went out(2 cops) then after 5 min one of the cop come by and says that i don't have much furniture & i am keeping my kitchen messy, he wanted to check my freeze to make sure i have food to feed my daughter.i am surprised to see that not having furniture makes you poor? i am sending my daugter to day care and pay 1000$ per month. anyway at last he said he will be informing social service & they might call me or not. I was worried sick as my daughter is born here(US citizen) & they might take her away from me. i almost thought of sending her to india. its almost 25 days i didn't here from anyone(cop or social service).


did anyone had this type of situation , please let me know if you have any advise for me.
Thanks a lot

[abaner]

Sorry about your problem.

See if you can get some furniture, get a maid to clean up the place and maybe get your folks from India or friends to stay with your daughter.

Always try to have some baby food even chips, milk etc. and stuff like that. Chk to see youe neighbourhood, change it for a better one but informn the police & the ins after your change it. if they did ask the social services to come, then show hem that you have a happy, united family. put a e-lock on telephone.

And see if you can geta more stable, 9 - 5 job (let me know if i can hlp u in that).

talk to a family lawyer, get a opinion. dont try to send away your kid to india, then it will take a different turn. just meet them headon with a smile. be polite but strongwhrn you would need to speak with them.

All the Best

ps: No Legal Advise

[guest]

Thanks for advise. the big problem for me as having my parents for very long 1 year & mother did all the taking care of baby and suddenly i became alone and have to do by myself and it takes time to get used to . Thanks

[abaner]

Always keep alist of friends/relatives phone numbers for emergency , who can pitch to look for yiur baby when u are really busy. see if you have good friendly neighbour who can baby-sit your baby. look for baby sitters in college/school campuses, get good references and amke sure they donot do drugs & smoke. you can also wire your apt. with hidden cameras accesibel theu the web to see your baby (i know sounds its' weird, but for peace of mind).

let me know how it goes

ps: if you are in LA, let me know if i you need help with babysiting.