Dheeraj
01-12-2006, 12:24 AM
The cupid keeps on striking me ever since I was a child. Having nothing better to do during evenings, this time an AMERICAN idea struck me. Lets get in shape!
I watched couple of Rambo movies, went in front of the mirror and while flexing my arms thought that Stallone's arms were nearly of my size. The only difference was he has 12 inches of biceps and some 5 inches of triceps additional than mine!
But then I thought that reality is the only obstacle to happiness. And moreover Nobody's Perfect! I am nobody. So I am perfect. ;)
I spent a fortune for getting stylish gym apparels and joined the world famous Gold's Gym. I was lucky to get first 3 sessions free with a personal trainer.
Day 1:
As I entered the gym I asked for Mike, the personal trainer. A structure of 6 foot 6 inches suddenly appeared in front of me and introduced himself as Mike. Little I realized that I was already under great pain. Neck pain actually. While talking to him I had to lift my head so much high that it gave me a severe pain on the back of the neck.
He asked me to take a fitness test. I highly obliged. After 15 minutes of rigorous running on the treadmill I felt like a steam engine, blowing out steam from all bodily vents and panting heavily. Then he took me to the free weights section and asked me to grab a rod which weighed some 75 pounds and put it over my shoulders. He asked me to squat with this. :eek: Gravity helped me to go down with ease. But the problem was rising back on my feet's again. I asked if he could take away few pounds so that I could rise from the ground. With a very polite and generous tone he replied “NO”. I couldn't even see his face from now a distance of at least 12 feet's. I was appearing like a fool sitting down with this huge python over my shoulders and unable to get up. I stuck all the bones together and with huge grunt finally got up and threw the bar on the stand over me. Mike said “Good Squat. Ready for next”. I pretended as I was about to puke and immediately ran towards the shower room. I spend rest of the time happily doing the steam bath and Jacuzzi.
Day 2:
Mentally prepared this time, like a FBI agent I searched for Mike in the gym. He appeared and asked where I had disappeared the other day. I just told him I was not up for it yesterday, but today I am all yours. He made me do 2 sets of squat , 3 sets of bench press (4 repetition each set). 35 pounds of Dumbbell curls, 50 pounds of barbell curls followed by preacher curls and military presses. Then he made me do the rowing machine. Obviously it sank!!! He told that its all in the mind and asked me to open up my mind. I just told him that I use to have an open mind, but with so much weight on my gut and butt, my brains kept falling out. :o
Day 3:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the tooth brush on a stand and moving my mouth back and forth over it. Driving was OK till I had to steer the wheels. It took me 15 minutes to tie my shoe laces together. Legs felt like logs. Body joints were making noise like old hinges of a dilapidated door. I felt like a man on the moon and wanted to hop on earth rather than walk. After 5 minutes of treadmill, I decided to give Stallone the benefit of doubt and declared him to have bigger and better arms than me.
Day 4:
I realized that Ambition was a lame excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. I had to take an off from office, anyway I was not in a position to use even the keyboard
Day 5:
I hate Mike more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. If there was any part of my body not in extreme pain I would hit him with it. He thought it would be a good idea to work on my triceps. Well, I have news for you Mike, I don't have triceps. And if you don't want dents in the floor don't hand me any barbells. I refuse to accept responsibility for the damage, you went to sadist school, you are to blame.
Weekend:
Got Mike's message on my voice mail, wondering where I am. I lacked the strength to use the TV remote so I watched eleven straight hours of the weather channel. :p
I watched couple of Rambo movies, went in front of the mirror and while flexing my arms thought that Stallone's arms were nearly of my size. The only difference was he has 12 inches of biceps and some 5 inches of triceps additional than mine!
But then I thought that reality is the only obstacle to happiness. And moreover Nobody's Perfect! I am nobody. So I am perfect. ;)
I spent a fortune for getting stylish gym apparels and joined the world famous Gold's Gym. I was lucky to get first 3 sessions free with a personal trainer.
Day 1:
As I entered the gym I asked for Mike, the personal trainer. A structure of 6 foot 6 inches suddenly appeared in front of me and introduced himself as Mike. Little I realized that I was already under great pain. Neck pain actually. While talking to him I had to lift my head so much high that it gave me a severe pain on the back of the neck.
He asked me to take a fitness test. I highly obliged. After 15 minutes of rigorous running on the treadmill I felt like a steam engine, blowing out steam from all bodily vents and panting heavily. Then he took me to the free weights section and asked me to grab a rod which weighed some 75 pounds and put it over my shoulders. He asked me to squat with this. :eek: Gravity helped me to go down with ease. But the problem was rising back on my feet's again. I asked if he could take away few pounds so that I could rise from the ground. With a very polite and generous tone he replied “NO”. I couldn't even see his face from now a distance of at least 12 feet's. I was appearing like a fool sitting down with this huge python over my shoulders and unable to get up. I stuck all the bones together and with huge grunt finally got up and threw the bar on the stand over me. Mike said “Good Squat. Ready for next”. I pretended as I was about to puke and immediately ran towards the shower room. I spend rest of the time happily doing the steam bath and Jacuzzi.
Day 2:
Mentally prepared this time, like a FBI agent I searched for Mike in the gym. He appeared and asked where I had disappeared the other day. I just told him I was not up for it yesterday, but today I am all yours. He made me do 2 sets of squat , 3 sets of bench press (4 repetition each set). 35 pounds of Dumbbell curls, 50 pounds of barbell curls followed by preacher curls and military presses. Then he made me do the rowing machine. Obviously it sank!!! He told that its all in the mind and asked me to open up my mind. I just told him that I use to have an open mind, but with so much weight on my gut and butt, my brains kept falling out. :o
Day 3:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the tooth brush on a stand and moving my mouth back and forth over it. Driving was OK till I had to steer the wheels. It took me 15 minutes to tie my shoe laces together. Legs felt like logs. Body joints were making noise like old hinges of a dilapidated door. I felt like a man on the moon and wanted to hop on earth rather than walk. After 5 minutes of treadmill, I decided to give Stallone the benefit of doubt and declared him to have bigger and better arms than me.
Day 4:
I realized that Ambition was a lame excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. I had to take an off from office, anyway I was not in a position to use even the keyboard
Day 5:
I hate Mike more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. If there was any part of my body not in extreme pain I would hit him with it. He thought it would be a good idea to work on my triceps. Well, I have news for you Mike, I don't have triceps. And if you don't want dents in the floor don't hand me any barbells. I refuse to accept responsibility for the damage, you went to sadist school, you are to blame.
Weekend:
Got Mike's message on my voice mail, wondering where I am. I lacked the strength to use the TV remote so I watched eleven straight hours of the weather channel. :p